Posts Tagged ‘local’

Man Not Sure He’s Dynamic Enough To Work At Local Marketing Firm

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—An online listing for a job at area marketing firm BizKo Solutions has left local man Ryan Urlich unsure whether he is truly dynamic enough to qualify for the position, sources confirmed Wednesday. The Onion Tweet This Post

White House Previews Local Impacts of Sequester

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The National Governors Association’s winter meeting is under way in the nation’s capital, and while President Obama hosted the state executives for their annual black-tie dinner in the White House today, his administration is pushing a new angle over the partisan bickering… Politics News Headlines – Yahoo! News Tweet This Post

Local group takes on gun violence in wake of Newtown massacre

NEWTOWN, Connecticut (Reuters) – Relatives and neighbors of children killed in the elementary school massacre in Newtown, Connecticut, one month ago launched an initiative on Monday to help curb gun violence in America. "On Friday, December 14th, I put two children on the bus and only one came home. I pray that no mother, father, [...]

Quick, Painless Death Tops Holiday Wish List Of Local Veal Calf

BUTLER, OH—A four-month-old veal calf revealed Monday that topping its Christmas list this year is a quick, painless death. "I would like the end to come soon," said the calf, speaking from its one-by-two-foot pen. "And when it does come, I hope it is not agonizing." Sources close to the calf were surprised that more [...]

Omanis hope first local vote is stepping stone towards change

MUSCAT (Reuters) – Hoping for jobs and democratic change, voters in Oman cast ballots in their first municipal election on Saturday, a sign of modest reform in response to protests inspired by the Arab Spring. The small Gulf oil producer, ruled since 1970 by Sultan Qaboos, sits opposite Iran on the Strait of Hormuz, the [...]