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BELLINGHAM, WA—Praising the actress’ laid-back personality and skill as a performer, local woman Becca Miser told friends Tuesday how much she likes movie star Jennifer Lawrence, unaware that she will completely turn on the actress and hate he… The Onion Tweet This Post
Posts Tagged ‘Area’
Area Woman Has No Idea She Will Hate Jennifer Lawrence 7 Years From Now
Posted by admin on April 30th, 2013
Posted in Breaking News 
Tags: Area, From, hate, idea, Jennifer, LAWRENCE, Woman, Years 
No Comments »Area Man Now Checks Inside Boat In Driveway Every Morning
Posted by admin on April 24th, 2013
WAUKEGAN, IL—After learning Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhokar Tsarnaev had been hiding inside a boat parked in a Massachusetts man’s backyard, 46-year-old Ethan Bryer told reporters Wednesday that he now makes sure to check the interior … The Onion Tweet This Post
Manhunt in Boston Area
Posted by admin on April 19th, 2013
All political news this morning is obviously overshadowed by the extensive manhunt for the persons responsible for the bombings earlier this week in Boston. Tweet This Post
Massive police operation happening now in Boston area
Posted by admin on April 19th, 2013
Information is sketchy at this point, but CNN is reporting a massive police operation in the Cambridge area just outside of Boston. There are multiple police agencies involved, (state, local, Boston) and reports that the Department of Homeland Security is also present. Tweet This Post
Area Man Growing A Little Tired Of Rushing Home To Hug Loved Ones
Posted by admin on April 16th, 2013
ST. LOUIS—Following the deadly explosions Monday that rocked the city of Boston, area man Tom Sifton told reporters he’s getting pretty tired of frantically rushing home from work as fast as he possibly can to hug his loved ones tight. The Onion Tweet This Post
Posted in Breaking News Tags: Area, Growing, Home, Little, Loved, ones, Rushing, tired No Comments »Well, Doesn’t Area Businessman Look Dapper For His Big Flight To Philadelphia
Posted by admin on April 10th, 2013
MINNEAPOLIS—According to sources, well, well, well, doesn’t this local businessman look very dapper indeed in his fancy little suit and shiny shoes as he heads to his big businessman flight to Philadelphia. The Onion Tweet This Post
Posted in Breaking News Tags: 'businessman', Area, Dapper, Doesn't, flight, Look, Philadelphia, Well No Comments »US commandos hand over troubled area to Afghans
Posted by admin on March 30th, 2013
KABUL, Afghanistan (AP) — U.S. special operations forces handed over their base in a strategic district of eastern Afghanistan to local Afghan special forces on Saturday, a senior U.S. commander said. The withdrawal satisfies a demand by Afghan President Hamid Karzai that U.S. forces leave the area after allegations that the Americans' Afghan counterparts committed [...]
Area Lady’s Gentleman Caller Under Employ Of Jiffy Lube
Posted by admin on March 23rd, 2013
HORNELL, NY—The identity of the mysterious gentleman whose amorous attentions have of late been accorded to local lady Kelly Gabbert was at last revealed as Mr. The Onion Tweet This Post
Posted in Breaking News Tags: Area, Caller, Employ, Gentleman, Jiffy, lady's, Lube, Under No Comments »Area Woman Thinks All Of Her Friends Should Be Comedians
Posted by admin on March 22nd, 2013
BENTON HARBOR, MI—According to statements made this week by office manager Caitlin Mooney, 26, her friends are all so funny that they should be comedians. The Onion Tweet This Post
Packers Fan Blog Just Might Be Area Man’s Ticket Out Of Here
Posted by admin on March 18th, 2013
SHEBOYGAN, WI—Lifelong Packers fan and 33-year-old Sheboygan bartender Peter Cooke told reporters Sunday that his nine-month-old Packers fan blog—which just received its 1,000th visitor last week—might be his ticket to a better life. … The Onion Tweet This Post
