Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better.
Our campaign has been hit by another severe gaffe. This time, it is my vice presidential unit that has been accused of once doing something that was of benefit to the people of his state. While he had long denied he had done such a thing, it turns out that he had requested government monies for the purposes of undertaking various projects in his state, which is a thing he had previously stated he was very much against but which he accidentally did a multiple times and then immediately had forgotten about.
While the severity of being accused of doing something of benefit to the people of his state cannot be overstated, I must say I admire the fellow’s style. He reminds me more and more of myself, if I was poor and irritating. Once again we have decided that the best response to this latest gaffe is probably to pretend it did not happen, thus potentially fooling the press into thinking that they had just dreamed the entire episode.
I have been talking more with this vice presidential unit. He is slightly less objectionable than I had first considered, primarily because of our various shared opinions on things. He is apparently quite the fan of some person named Ayn Rand; he says he especially admires the Ayn Rand position that all government is bad unless that government is personally writing you a check for something. This seems much akin to my own philosophy, so I am intrigued; as a wealth unit, I too believe that the primary function of government ought to be writing me checks for things. He notes that he has found reading the works of Ayn Rand to be a very good test for potential staffers, as the writings of Ayn Rand are one of the few things as pompous and insufferable as congressional speech-making, and that he did not want any staff members who had problems dealing with pompousness or insufferableness. Again, it is an intriguing proposition.
None of this has been enough to make up for the betrayal of my staff regarding Mr. Bus, but I admit that this fellow’s commitment to forgetting things, retroactively clarifying things, and demanding that all government money be either given to wealthy individuals or spent only on things of personal benefit to himself is refreshing. I look forward to exploring his ideas further. I am especially intrigued by his budgetary numbers, as he is the only other fellow I know besides myself who feels no need to specify any.