Oh, Sarah, you lipsticked half-wit snowball of FAIL. If you didn’t exist, we’d have to invent you, just because everyone needs a good laugh now and again, and you, Sarah, are comedy gold.
In today’s installment of Stupid As Performance Art, we learn what Sarah Palin thinks about Dick Cheney saying what every other semi-sentient being on the planet has said: that John McCain’s selection of Palin in 2008 was the biggest fucking mistake pretty much ever.
“Well, seeing as how Dick — excuse me, Vice President Cheney — never misfires, then evidently, he’s quite convinced that what he had evidently read about me by the lamestream media — having been written what I believe is a false narrative over the last four years — evidently, Dick Cheney believes that stuff, and that’s a shame,” Palin said on Fox News’s “On The Record with Greta Van Susteren.”
Ah. That’s what’s known as a true Palin classic. First, she goes for the obvious dick joke (yes, Sarah, we on the left have been pointing out how aptly named Dick Cheney is for a while, so that one’s already stale); then she does the pretend respect thing, her voice dripping with insincerity when she corrects herself; then she works in a nice “misfires” jab, no doubt referencing that one time Dick Cheney shot a guy in the face (nice work, Sarah, really, that was a good one); boilerplate reference to lamestream media; and she delivers it all with her usual obscene abuse of gerunds, ending her sentence not when she has completed it, but when she has run out of words and breath.
Nearly four years later, and Sarah believes what she has always believed about herself—that she was a victim of the “lamestream media,” and that if people only knew the truth about her, they would know that something something hockey moms and freedom. It was the lamestream media that invented her raised-on-abstinence-until-marriage knocked-up teen-age daughter, her inability to name a single newspaper, and her sudden resignation from the governorship so she could spend more time making reality TV shows and cashing in on her own trademarked name. It is only because the world refuses to stop reading the lies in all those newspapers she can’t name that Republicans like Dick—sorry, Vice President Cheney—have unanimously declared Sarah Palin a disaster of Biblical proportions, and why the Republican Party has decided that no lady Republican will ever be allowed on a presidential ticket again because “Palin poisoned the well on that.”
Maybe that’s why the Republican National Convention has yet to beg her to give a speech, even though she keeps begging them to beg her by reminding them of how available she might be if they begged her. She’s already done enough damage to the party as it is. And all the Republicans—even Dick—know it.