From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Friday Carlin

Raise whatever ya got handy and wish a Happy Birthday to the late George Carlin, who would’ve been 75 tomorrow. He spent many a glorious decade dissecting language, culture, politics and human nature, wielding a comedic scalpal and jackhammer with equal dexterity. All the reason we need to take a moment to revisit a mere smidgeon of his comedic Esprit de George…

Working-class people “look for work.” Middle-class people “try to get a job.” Upper-middle-class people “seek employment.”
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
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It’s the old American Double Standard, ya know? Say one thing, do somethin’ different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard—that’s our history! We were founded on a very basic double standard. This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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You know how you speed up baseball? Everybody gets one swing. That’s it. One swing, fuck you, you’re out, sit down.
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Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren’t they? They’re all in favor of the unborn—they will do anything for the unborn. But once you’re born, you’re on your own. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don’t want to know about you. They don’t want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you’re preborn, you’re fine; if you’re preschool, you’re fucked.
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Where ideas are concerned, America can be counted on to do one of two things: take a good idea and run it completely into the ground, or take a bad idea and run it completely into the ground.
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The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
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Have you ever wondered why the Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer for their communities?  It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete.  It’s so fuckin’ heroic.

…and, of course, the (NSFW, natch) seven words you can’t say. Oh, my delicate feefees.

Your west coast-friendly edition of  Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold… [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

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