From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Late Night Snark: Serious Candidates Edition

“Rick Santorum is saying the kids that go to college are snobs. Rick Santorum has a new program for children. It’s called Every Child Left Behind.”
—David Letterman
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“Rick, I’m sorry that hearing that JFK speech on religion makes you throw up. But if it makes you feel any better, if JFK were alive today, knowing you were running for President would make him shit his pants.”
—Jon Stewart
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“In yesterday’s Michigan primary, Newt Gingrich came in fourth place. Or as the ice cream in his freezer put it, ‘It’s gonna be a long night.’”
—Jimmy Fallon
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“Newt Gingrich said we should use covert operations to assassinate Iran’s nuclear scientists. Gingrich also said the key to covert operations is announcing them on the campaign trail.”
—Conan O’Brien
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“Gas prices are so high that Mitt Romney’s wife can only afford to drive one Cadillac.”
—Jay Leno
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“Do the Girl Scouts of America have a secret agenda? I think those Thin Mints are just to fatten us up before they cook us!”
—Stephen Colbert

Oh, and the elves at Netroots Nation would appreciate your votes in the “Grab A Booth” contest going on now. Which groups would you like to see at the coonvention? Check out the list of entrants and vote ‘em up!

Okay, Jeeves…you may start pouring. Your west coast-friendly edition of  Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold… [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

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